


Ambrosia

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: BixFreed [2]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Character Death, Death, Denial, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Loss, Love, M/M, Protectiveness, Resurrection, Sacrifice, Self-Sacrifice, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 18:36:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16561115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: When Bickslow dies to save him, Freed refuses to let go...refuses to believe that there isn't a way to bring his partner back, and he is willing to pay whatever price is necessary to do just that.





	Ambrosia

   Freed winced as he felt Laxus’s lightning slamming into the rune barrier over and over, and he could feel blood beginning to trickle from his nose as he desperately shored up his defences _. You can’t come in, you’ll take him away_ , he thought as his gaze to the still form laying on the bed, and tears trickled down his cheeks as he reached out to touch the Seith mage, shuddering as his fingers passed through the runes preserving his partner and brushed against cool skin. _You’re not gone. I won’t let this happen…I won’t._ In a distant part of his mind he recognised that what he was doing was wrong, that he needed to face up to what had happened and acknowledge what he had lost. But he wasn’t ready, he doubted that he would ever be ready for that. _I won’t let them take you away_ , he thought with a fresh fierceness as he continued to pour magic into his defences.

 _Please go away_ …

   On the other side of the door, Laxus paused as the runes glowed brighter than ever, despite being under attack for the past half hour and he lowered his hand as he realised that Freed was reinforcing them.

“I can’t break it,” he muttered, turning to glance at Evergreen who was hovering beside him, watching with red-rimmed eyes and he winced at the painful sound of her voice when she stepped forward in protest.

“But…”

“It’s being charged by his emotions,” Laxus cut her off, sharing her dismay at the thought that they couldn’t get through to the Rune mage…and to Bickslow’s body. If only they’d reacted faster at the end of the battle they might have been able to stop this, but the sight of Bickslow’s body and the heartbroken sobs coming from Freed had frozen them in place, and they’d been completely unprepared for Freed snatching up his lover’s body and fleeing with it. By the time they had tracked him back to the inn where they were staying, the rune barrier had already been up, and so far they hadn’t even been able to convince Freed to even speak to them. “All that’s going to happen if I keep trying to break through is that I’m going to hurt him.” _If I haven’t already_ , he added silently, deciding that was a thought best not shared with Evergreen when she was already on the brink of breaking down, and he turned to stare at the door.

    Freed had never produced a barrier that Laxus couldn’t break through and given his current state it should have been weaker than normal. If he was managing to strengthen it to this extent in his current condition, it meant that he was pouring all of himself into the effort, which meant that if Laxus continued with his efforts, it would be Freed rather than the barrier that would take the damage.

“We can’t just leave him alone like this!” Evergreen shouted, unable to maintain her usual calm as she reached out to grab the Dragon-slayer by the arm. “Laxus!” She had already lost one teammate, she couldn’t bear the thought of losing another one, and she didn’t trust Freed not to do something stupid in his current frame of mind. He loved…He’d loved Bickslow more than anything, and she was the only one who knew that the Seith mage had started searching for a ring for Freed, they had been moving towards the future they had been dreaming about only for it all to be snatched away in one brief second.

“I don’t like it any better than you do,” Laxus snapped, before sighing as he closed his eyes before adding more softly. “He’s strong, he won’t let this break him, and when he’s ready, he’ll let us in.”

_I hope…_

****

_This must be the answer…_

     Freed slumped against the desk, staring through tired eyes at the notes he had been pouring over for hours, the papers covering the surface and his fingers curled against the faded words for a moment before he glanced across at the still figure on the bed and his expression settled into one of determination. _I have to try_ …

    The entire room was covered with books and piles of notes, evidence of his frantic search for some way to bring his partner back. He had lost track of the number of methods he had been forced to discard, or the number of times Evergreen and Laxus had tried to corner him on the rare occasions when he’d ventured out of the room, telling him that it couldn’t be done. Pleading with him to face reality and to try and let Bickslow go. His jaw tightened with anger at the mere thought of it, they had given up, they had lost hope on that first day, but he couldn’t. He didn’t have the right to give up, because if he had only been a bit faster in that battle, none of this would’ve ever happened. Bickslow would have been sat with him, laughing and no doubt driving him up the wall, rather than lying dead with only runes preserving him.

   Freed swallowed, ignoring the small voice at the back of his mind that sounded suspiciously like Bickslow that was telling him that he was the one who was wrong. The voice whispering to him that he should accept reality and move on before he killed himself, that he should take down the barrier and let his teammates in, that he needed them. Those words had been a frequent companion over the last few months, especially when his hope had begun to falter, but he hadn’t given in, and he had no intention of doing so now that a solution lay within reach. That it was a solution that Bickslow would never approve of wasn’t enough to stop him, and he took a deep breath before rising and heading unsteadily for the bed, practically falling onto the edge although he was careful not to disturb the runes.

“I found something. It’s our only chance now, but I think it’s going to work,” he whispered to Bickslow, blinking back tears as he studied the still features and pale skin. “It’s going to work,” he repeated desperately as he reached out to brush his fingers delicately over the barrier.

_I’m going to bring you back…._

**

   It was Evergreen who realised that the barrier was gone as she headed to the bathroom the next morning, suddenly realising that the desperate magic that had filled the air was gone and she’d dashed to Freed’s room, fearing the worse. Freed had barely spoken to either her or Laxus since Bickslow had died, rarely leaving his room, and never once letting them get past the barrier so that they could lay Bickslow to rest. They had fought with him, pleaded with him, desperate to give Bickslow the funeral he deserved and desperate to help Freed. But it was like their words couldn’t reach him, and no matter what they tried, even going so far as to knock him out at one point they hadn’t been able to get the barrier down. Yet, now it was gone, and she couldn’t help but fear that Freed had finally decided to follow Bickslow into death, something they had privately been waiting for since they realised that he hadn’t even begun to accept that the other man was gone.

“Freed?!” She cried as she burst into the room, coming to an abrupt halt as she took in the state of the room. Freed was a neat freak at the best of times, and yet now the room looked like a whirlwind had hit it, papers and books strewn everywhere, and dirty clothes piled up in the corner along with half eaten meals that they had forced on him when he had ventured out of the room. However, more importantly, there was no sign of Freed or Bickslow’s body, and her heart dropped. Whilst she was relieved that there was no sign that Freed had hurt himself, the fact that he had disappeared and taken Bickslow with him didn’t bode well.

“Ever?” She turned at the soft voice to find Laxus standing in the doorway, blue eyes narrowed as he took in the state of the room and the expression on her face.

“He’s gone. I felt that the barrier was gone when I came down the hall.”

   Laxus’s expression darkened at her words, and he stepped into the room, beginning to pick up stacks of paper and skim them and realising that he was searching for some clue as to where Freed would have gone, she mimicked him. Her stomach rolling as she realised that Freed had been looking up every possible way of bringing Bickslow back, even going so far as to consider dark magic and she closed her eyes for a minute, tears dripping down her cheeks as she imagined how desperate he must have been to even contemplate such a thing. _Freed_.  She didn’t know why she was so surprised though, even the blind could see how much Bickslow had meant to him and to lose that so suddenly and in the way that he had.  The paper she was holding crumpled under her tightening grip as she realised that if their places had been switched, then she would have done the same…or worse.

_I’m not sure I could have survived if I was in his shoes…_

“Look at this…” Laxus’s voice broke into her thoughts, and she blinked as she looked up to find him at the desk, holding a book and a sheet of paper, his expression grim and she moved across to join him, accepting the paper when he held it out. It didn’t take her long to read it, and her heart plummeted as she realised just how desperate Freed had become and she shook her head, desperately wanting to deny the fact that things had got to this stage, that they had let it get to this stage.

“He wouldn’t…” She couldn’t finish, both knowing that he would go that far for Bickslow, for any of them without any hesitation.

“Come on, we need to go after him,” Laxus ordered, but there was an anguished expression on his face as he glanced across at the photos of Freed and Bickslow covering the wall, aware that it was already too late. That there would be no victory here because no matter what they did it seemed inevitable that they were going to lose a teammate, and deep down he wondered if they even had a right to interfere at this point. They’d already failed to protect Bickslow and Freed more times than he wanted to admit, but then his gaze darted to the paper in Evergreen’s hand, and he straightened. Even if they couldn’t stop it, they needed to go…

_Freed…._

****

   Freed held his breath as the golden light washed over him. He could feel the magic within it seeping into every inch of his body, testing his reasons for being there, testing his resolve to go through with the ritual and to pay the price that was demanded. _I have to save him. I have to bring him back_. He wasn’t stupid, he knew that doing this wasn’t going to give him more time with Bickslow, that it wasn’t going to give him back what he had lost. _But he will be alive, and that’s all that matters, it should have been me in the first place, this is just righting a wrong_ , there were tears in his eyes as the memory of the moment that the older man had thrown himself in front of him played through his mind, as it had countless times since Bickslow had fallen. _It should have been me_ …Apparently, the magic agreed or at least found him worthy because it slowly dissipated and the barrier around the goblet dissolved with a shimmer of gold.

_I passed?_

   He took a deep breath before reaching out to pick up the goblet. _I passed. This is going to work…right?_ His hands trembled as he pulled the goblet against his chest, cradling it protectively as he stared down at the golden liquid it contained with stinging eyes, his hope that had finally begun to flag surging to new heights. _Ambrosia_ , or rather a potion derived from it. A potion that would give you a life in exchange for a life, if his research had been correct. Although considering the protections on the temple and the test he had just undergone, he was sure that his research had been on point. It had to be because he knew that if this didn’t work then he was out of options, and he couldn’t face the thought of that outcome -of that future.

 _It has to work_ …

   Unsteadily he turned and glanced across at where Bickslow lay on the ground, and he breathed deeply before beginning to make his way across to the Seith Mage. Nervousness was making him clumsy just when he couldn’t afford to be, and his breath hitched as the golden liquid sloshed and threatened to spill. _Calm down, you can’t mess this up now_ , he told himself sternly, willing his hands to stillness as he crossed the last few steps to Bickslow. _Please let it work_ , he pleaded as he crouched beside his partner, fingers trembling worse than ever as he reached out to banish the runes that had been preserving the Seith mage’s body for the past three months. This would be his only chance, if this didn’t work then he wouldn’t be able to re-erect that barrier, and he closed his eyes for a minute, before reaching out to brush his fingers against a cool hand as his heart hammered in his chest. _It has to work…_

“Please don’t hate me for this, but I wasn’t strong enough to live without you, and this is the only way for me to save you,” he whispered, leaning in to press his lips against Bickslow’s, his heart aching as he was overwhelmed by memories of how the Seith mage used to pull him in closer, hands buried in his hair and there were tears on his cheeks as he slowly pulled back. He had searched everywhere for a solution that would give them time together, but all he had encountered was dead end after dead end until he found this potion and the price that had to be paid.

    It had been an easy decision for him to make, the image of Bickslow taking the attack meant for him, the Seith mage falling in slow motion even as he’d reached for Freed haunting his every waking moment. _Please forgive me for_ … He knew that it was selfish, that in all probability Bickslow would hate him for doing this, but there was no hesitation in his movements as he lifted the goblet and took a sip. The liquid was thick and sickly sweet, but he choked it down until the goblet was half empty and his entire body was suffused with a soft golden light.

_Please…_

_Please let this work,_ he prayed as he gently lifted Bickslow’s head and held the goblet to still lips, tilting the cup and letting the liquid drip slowly into Bickslow’s mouth. For a moment nothing seemed to happen, and fresh tears began to spill down his cheeks as his silent pleas for the potion to work increased in desperation. It took him a moment to realise that the glow that was surrounding him was slowly beginning to drift towards Bickslow, and he watched through hopeful eyes as it began to seep into Bickslow’s fingers and feet.

   _It’s working_. A giddy feeling washed over him, the long months of grief and searching seeming to fall away in that instance and he closed his eyes. _Thank you, thank you,_ there were tears of relief stinging his eyes as he forced them open again, his breath hitching as the goblet fell from suddenly nerveless fingers and he watched it roll across the floor for a moment before glancing down at his hands. He could feel it now, the weakness that was creeping into his body even as the golden glow left him and when he felt himself swaying slightly, he eased himself down until he was laid beside Bickslow. It took far more effort than he had expected to lift his hand out towards the Seith mage, the last of his strength fleeing as he let it fall against the other’s chest, blinking as his vision began to darken around the edges. _Please…_ He wanted to know for sure, to see for himself that it had worked, to see that Bickslow was alive.

   He was beginning to think that he wasn’t going to get his wish, not that he had the right to ask for more as it already seemed to be working, not after everyone had told him that he was clinging to a fool’s hope. His vision was narrowing down to a tiny point when he felt it, the slightest flutter of a heartbeat beneath his fingertips and he was slipping when he heard the most beautiful sound that he had ever heard as Bickslow drew a gasping breath, the chest beneath his fingers rising and falling once more, and he had a fleeting impression of crimson eye -filled with life once more -shifting towards him a split second before the darkness claimed him completely.

_I’m sorry. I love you…_

***

    Bickslow felt dizzy and weak in a way that he’d never experienced before, feeling almost like he didn’t belong in his own body and he groaned softly. _What the hell happened?_ He could vaguely recall fighting…and then, his eyes shot open as he recalled seeing the spell rushing towards a distracted Freed. He knew that he thrown himself forward, hoping that he would manage to intercept it in time, but he couldn’t for the life of him recall if he had. His body felt slow and sluggish to respond to his commands as he turned his head, not recognising where he was, his brow creasing as he realised that it was a temple of some sorts. It most certainly wasn’t the small town where they had been in his memories and his confusion deepened, before a soft sound beside him caught his attention. With difficulty he turned his head towards it and felt his breath catch in his throat as he met familiar turquoise eyes for a moment, catching the slight smile that tugged at Freed’s lips before he seemed to sigh, eyes slipping shut.

“Fr…eed?” His voice came out weak and hoarse, and he winced as it felt like dragging sandpaper over his throat and it took him a second to realise that not only had there not been a response and that now he was focusing he couldn’t even hear the younger man’s breathing. Terror lent him the strength to move, although his movements were jerky and uncoordinated as he reached for his partner. “F-Freed?” He was trembling as he brushed his fingers against Freed’s cheeks, realising just how pale he was, and his eyes were stinging as he fumbled for a pulse. _Nothing_ …there was nothing. But he had been alive a moment before, Bickslow had seen it, and as his gaze scanned the younger mage, there was no sign of injuries, nothing to show what could have caused this. There was no way he was going to give up without a fight though, and he gritted his teeth as he forced himself to his knees, ignoring the way his body protested at the motion. Pushing through the discomfort as he frantically began to perform CPR. _Damn it Freed? What the hell happened? Don’t you dare leave me…don’t you dare…._

_Please…_

   Again, and again he tried, until he felt dizzy, the strange weakness still assailing him and hindering his efforts and tears were streaking down his cheeks. _This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening_ , he chanted in his mind out of sheer desperation as he worked. Part of him had already realised that it was too late, that he was postponing the inevitable moment when he would have to face what was happening, but he couldn’t stop. _Freed, don’t you dare leave me,_ he pleaded silently as he pressed his lips to Freed’s once more, willing him to breath, to fight. He was so focused on that desperate desire and the need for Freed to come back to him that he didn’t hear the movement behind him. And he was caught by surprise when strong arms trapped his, stopping his efforts and he looked up with wild eyes, ready to lash out. only to freeze as he found himself looking at Laxus and Evergreen who were staring at him like they had seen a ghost.

“Bickslow…”

“You’re really alive,” Laxus whispered, but whilst there was relief and happiness, there was also deep agony in his eyes as his gaze shifted to the still form next to him. They’d had an idea of what they might find if Freed’s research had been correct, but they’d still hoped that they’d get here in time to do something….

“What are you talking about?” Bickslow demanded, sensing that there was more going on, but unable to bring himself to focus on it as his gaze shot back to Freed and he tried to yank himself free. Laxus was easily able to hold him in place though, and he growled he glanced at the Dragon-slayer. “LET ME GO! I have to bring him back!” Why are you standing there? Why aren’t you helping? Why…?

“You can’t…” Evergreen’s voice was broken in a way that he had never heard it before, and he blinked as he took in the grief written across her face as she dropped down on the other side of Freed reaching out with trembling hands to brush strands of hair away from his face. “H-He…” She shook her head helplessly, unable to explain what Freed had done, her heart breaking as she took in the peaceful expression on Freed’s face, an expression that they hadn’t seen since Bickslow had fallen. They had told him that it was impossible, and he had proven them wrong, but now he had left her other best friend in the same position. _Freed…Bickslow…_

   Laxus swallowed, realising that it was going to fall to him to explain and for a second, he was tempted to lie, not wanting Bickslow to hate Freed for what he had done. Not wanting to see another teammate, another friend fall apart under the weight of their grief. But he knew that he couldn’t lie because Bickslow had the right to know what had happened to him, and how this had happened and what Freed had done for him. His eyes were stinging fiercely as he glanced at Freed again. They had known that he wasn’t doing well, but they hadn’t known how to help him or how to get through his barrier and in a way they were just as responsible for this mess as Freed was for deciding to sacrifice himself without a thought. No, there was no way Freed hadn’t thought this through, hadn’t contemplated how his partner was going to survive this. Yet he’d still gone ahead with it, he’d still decided that it was a worthwhile sacrifice…

“What is going on?” Bickslow demanded, still wincing from the effort of speaking, crimson eyes flashing as he studied them even as it felt that his heart was falling apart in his chest. Deep down he knew that Evergreen and Laxus would have been doing everything in their power to bring Freed back if there was a chance, but anger was easier to focus on, rather than the gaping hole that was threatening to open up with the realisation that Freed wasn’t coming back from this.

“You died,” Laxus replied quietly, the old ache still there even with Bickslow in his arms and now it was mingling with this newest loss, and he had to pause to take a deep breath before continuing. “On that last job, you took the attack for Freed, do you remember?” Bickslow nodded tightly, his mind still reeling from those first two words, and his stomach lurched at how broken the Dragon-slayer sounded when he continued. “You…you didn’t survive.”

“But…”

“That was three months ago,” Evergreen took up the tale in a shaky voice, realising that Laxus was getting overwhelmed, although she wasn’t much better as she gently entwined her fingers with Freed’s, trying to ignore the chill that was already seeping into his skin. “Freed preserved you with his runes, and he was searching for a way to bring you back….” Bickslow blanched as she trailed off, a roaring sound in his ears as he glanced down at himself and then at Freed, his stomach twisting unpleasantly, and he shook his head frantically.

“He didn’t…?” _Please. Please don’t tell me that he gave his life for mine…please_ , but he knew even before he saw the guilt and grief that passed across their faces that, that was exactly what his stubborn lover had done.

“He found a way,” Laxus confirmed softly, tightening his hold on Bickslow as all the fight seemed to drain out of him at that confirmation. “A potion that would give a life for a life, if the person asking was found worthy and if the reason for the sacrifice was considered sufficient.” _How? How could magic decide that_ this was right? It wasn’t his fault that Bickslow had…that he had …

“WHY THE HELL DIDN’T YOU STOP HIM?” Bickslow roared, as he suddenly surged forward, breaking himself free of Laxus’s hold and crawling to Freed’s side, his anger giving way to grief as he gently gathered Freed in his arms, shuddering as his partner’s head lolled back against him. _Why? Why would you do something so foolish?_ He hadn’t hesitated in the slightest when he had taken that attack, accepting that he might die but accepting it as the price to keep Freed safe. But this…he couldn’t…he wouldn’t accept this. _Freed, you idiot_ …There were tears on his cheeks now as he rested his head against Freed’s. “Why didn’t you stop him?”

“We didn’t know,” Evergreen whispered. “He wouldn’t let us into his room or near you from the moment he got your b-body home. He knew that we would try and stop him.” It hurt to admit that, to admit that they had been willing to stop Freed and leave Bickslow dead…but…

   Bickslow’s expression crumpled, somehow the news that Freed had gone that far to stop anyone from interfering. The implication that he had realised that this was something that should have been stopped, and had still gone through with it, breaking whatever hold he’d had on his emotions. He wasn’t sure whether anger or grief was dominant at the moment, all he knew was that it hurt. It hurt more than anything he’d ever felt before, and a broken wail rose in his throat as he clutched Freed tightly, huge heaving sobs beginning to wrack his body.

_Freed, how could you leave me behind? How could you think I could live, knowing that it was your life I was living?_

****

A year later:

   Evergreen was silent as she followed Laxus into the cemetery, tears already streaking down her cheeks as she clutched the bouquet she was carrying against herself. A year. A year since they had arrived too late to stop Freed from sacrificing himself for Bickslow, a year since they had laid the Rune mage to rest beneath a cruelly beautiful summer sky. A year since they had seen Bickslow break beyond repair. He had never recovered from what Freed had done for him, becoming an empty shell of the man they’d known and for the first few months they’d followed him everywhere, fearing that he would do what they had once feared Freed would do…

   Eventually, he had begun to speak again, interacting with them and the guild, and after six months they had cautiously started to go on jobs again. Their caution had been well judged because it quickly became apparent that he no longer cared about his own safety. He was reckless in a way that frightened them, but whenever they tried to caution him or plead with him to be more careful, he would just stare at them with empty eyes and turn away. Even choosing simpler jobs didn’t work, because he would push and niggle their enemies until even simple jobs got out of hand, and it was like watching a train wreck in slow motion. No, it was like watching Freed for those three months that he had sealed himself away, and somewhere deep down they had known that it was going to end just as poorly.

They had been proven right…

   Barely a month ago Bickslow had taken off on a solo job, and only the fact that Mira knew every flyer on the board had allowed them to track him down, but they had been too late. _Again_. They’d found him, mortally wounded in the broken remains of a dark guild, the job completed and a smile on his lips as his gaze grew distant. Even now they didn’t know if he had known they were there, his final words a whispered apology to Freed as his eyes had closed for a final time.

   She blinked as Laxus brought her to a halt, startled to realise that they were already there, swallowing back a sob as she studied the two graves that lay side by side for a minute. It had been three weeks since they had laid Bickslow to rest here. He hadn’t even lasted a year after Freed’s death, and this time she couldn’t stop the small sob that escaped as she crouched to lay the flowers between the two graves. Hesitating briefly before reaching out to rest a hand on each stone as Laxus stood tall and silent behind her, tears glistening on his cheeks as he watched over her. She glanced back, drawing strength from the fact that at least she wasn’t alone in this before turning back, her voice wavering as she spoke to her teammates.

“Hello, you two…I…We miss you.”

 


End file.
